Developing emotional intelligence, otherwise known as EQ, has many benefits. Those with a high EQ are able to effectively manage their emotions and reactions, interact in positive ways and forge strong relationships. These benefits extend into different environments, from the workplace to people’s homes. But what exactly is emotional intelligence? And how can we cultivate it?

The Basics of EQ
Emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of, identity, and control one’s emotions. It’s about expressing those emotions in healthy, constructive ways, and using them to guide behaviour and choices.

But emotional intelligence isn’t just about you. It’s also about recognizing the emotions of others. “Emotional intelligence, empathy and compassion are connected,” says Monica Sweeney, a Marriage and Family Therapist. “The more we can accept and understand our own emotional experiences, the more attuned we can be to the emotional experiences expressed by others.” The idea is to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. It may help you see their point of view and understand their behaviour, rather than judge it.

EQ and Parenting
Using emotional intelligence can drastically affect parenting in positive ways. “The more attuned or responsive parents can be to their children's needs, the greater the likelihood that a strong secure bond will develop within that relationship,” Sweeney says.

Developing EQ implies learning how to self-regulate, which is the ability to control disruptive moods or impulses. At the end of the day, every parent wants the same thing; harmony. But it’s not always easy to achieve. Some parents in a high stress situation may lose their cool with their children. Instead of seeing this as a negative experience, it can also be an opportunity to cultivate self-awareness. The more present and self-aware you are, the more control you have of your reactions.

EQ Strategies for Parents
Luckily, emotional intelligence can be learned and practiced. There are many strategies that can help you empower yourself and effectively manage your emotions. Some include observing how your emotions and behaviour are connected, noticing your patterns, and practicing being proactive rather than reactive. The key is to remain self-aware. If you slip up, as we all do, be gentle with yourself and try again.

Sweeney also recommends practicing what she describes as self-compassion. This technique comes in handy in moments where you feel like your buttons are being pushed. It starts with accepting, without judgement, what are you feeling, from anger to frustration. “If you need to slow down and take a few deep breaths, you are modelling a strategy to calm down and regulate your feelings,” Sweeney explains.

When parents can self-regulate, they’re more likely to raise children who learn how to self-regulate. Children are constantly observing the behaviour and actions of their parents, so parents should be mindful of that. When your child is in distress, you can help them by validating their feelings and helping them express these emotions in healthy ways. It’s also useful to separate feelings from actions. For example, you can explain that it’s perfectly fine to feel anger, but that expressing that anger through hitting is not acceptable.

The trick is to understand what motivates behaviour and to make choices consciously. When children feel heard and supported, they are better equipped to navigate through life’s complex emotional landscape.